Breakfast Without Meat Part Two - Puzzle Page!

by Derrick Bostrom

Thirty years ago, life ended for The King of Rock and Roll. A decade later, an obsessive fan published a couple of obscure puzzles in a little-known Bay Area fanzine. Now, that same fan shares these ancient artifacts with you, the Bostworld visitor. Coincidence? I think not.

Of course, my encyclopedic knowledge of trivial Presley minutia and fun facts was nothing back then compared to what it is today. For instance, I now know that Elvis didn't merely see himself in the clouds with Joseph Stalin, and didn't merely receive spiritual instruction from his hairdresser. During this period, Elvis actually used to force his entire entourage to drive in a mobile home back and forth between Memphis and Los Angeles. What should have been a short trip by plane took the group several days, depending on how slowly Elvis chose to drive. He would hold forth on his self-aggrandizing religious theories for the entire trip. Much to the resentment of "the guys," the hairdresser often rode shotgun. The trip would be even more unbearable if Elvis became distracted and, say, decided to stop along the roadside and stare up at the clouds for hours.

To me, this added information makes for a much more interesting story. (And you can be sure, once The Colonel's spies let him know what was going on, he quickly cut off the hairdresser's access to The King.)

The other article is an obvious mashup of the Elvis film canon (with "On Tour" inexplicably, I left off) and some random fundamentalist jetsam I probably received in the mail. The last two pieces makes up for their lack of Presley content by their sheer inanity.

Next week: An even greater tribute to The King on the occasion of his 30th deathday.